Pregnancy and an ED

Okay, so the title may be a little misleading. I once had an ED. I believe that I will always be in the mindset of an ED even though I might not be starving myself... I use to obsess over my weight and how my body looks. I know what you're thinking. Every girl/woman obsesses over body image. Well, not to the extent that I did. BDD is a real thing. People could tell me they noticed I was losing weight or that they thought I looked good and it didn't matter. I didn't feel good about myself. That's a summarized version of an ED without the gory details (puking, your hair falling out, etc.)

So, since I've been pregnant the whole weight thing has been hard. I know that I'm supposed to gain weight. But that doesn't mean its an easy pill to swallow. Every time I go see my doctor and I look at the scale I say to myself, "really?" and I wonder how long it will take me to lose that weight. I know other people have lost the weight but what if I can't. What do I do? These are the things I'm left wondering at the end of the day and that's sad.

Being okay with gaining weight will never happen for me. The fact that I'm not fitting into prepregnancy clothes scares me. I am proud to say that I have eaten, all meals. I refuse to punish my child because I have a problem. Because I have a twisted reality. That isn't his fault. I have to put myself aside and do what's right for my baby.

First lesson as a parent: check.

Until next time.