Today I said goodbye to my best friend, or "see ya later". Actually we didn't say either of those things. I have been putting off even thinking about this deployment for so long that when I woke up today I felt like it was a regular day. When I arrived at the venue where the Call to Duty Ceremony was held I realized this was not a regular day. While waiting for my family I started to do something thinking and I realized after today I wouldn't see Kendall for a long time. I was in and out of bouts of crying when my family met up with me. We walked into the building and I felt like everything was pretty much a blur. I didn't try to look anyone in the eye, I just wanted to get to my seat.
The ceremony was alright. I calmed down quite a bit. After the ceremony I was approached by some local journalists who had snapped a picture of me and my little brother.
Then Kendall came back in for some last minute family time. I let everyone else have him before I latched on to him for dear life.
I was blubbering like a baby...
He didn't cry though. He assured me that he would come home and that he loves me with all of his heart. I nodded and sobbed and told him I love him too. It seemed like I had all of two minutes with him before he had to leave for formation and shortly after climb onto a bus.
My family asked me if I wanted to walk toward the buses to see him off, I replied "no". I was a mess and didn't want him to see me that way, after some prodding I reluctantly agreed. As soon as I saw him I could tell he had been crying and my knees buckled. I fell forward onto my knees and cried harder. I felt like screaming. I was physically feeling pain that could only be attributed to the fact that I did not want him to leave. It's a scary feeling. I felt a great pit in my stomach. The buses drove away and my crying eventually subsided. I still feel tears welling up, I'm hoping this goes away soon.
So now it's 11:55, he has called me to tell me that he has made it to his barracks and that he loves and misses me already. My eyes hurt from the sting of so many tears and my heart is heavy. Though I am strong I am feeling very weak. I'm embarrassed that I could not be strong for him and for how I cried. I'll see him for Christmas and after that it's a long nine months until he is home from deployment. Friends, hold your loved ones close, it is truly a terrible feeling when they have to leave you.